I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
