Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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