I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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