I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
