I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
