This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
