I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize