Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
