FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
