the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
