yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Two words: nipple clamps
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