you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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