I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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