dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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