she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
