I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
