Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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