Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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