You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
