I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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