oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
