You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
