No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Screwed.edu
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
