Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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