I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
