Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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