I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
