my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
