in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
