Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
