I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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