he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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