My first STD was from a foam party
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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