This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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