how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
