super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
