turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
