i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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