i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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