im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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