i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
