There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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