When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
