***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
