You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
