so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
