she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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