I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
