The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
