If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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