Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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