our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This toilet bowl is my home.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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