So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
