Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
