My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think i got beer on your cat.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
