i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
