Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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