Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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