It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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