i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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