walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
