Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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