and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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