She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
