plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
