omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
