roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i barfeds in our rink
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He felt like a one man threesome
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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