so explain again why im purple
no
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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