don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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