oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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