please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
