In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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