My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I want to be your penis for a week.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
