I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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